I was watching Little Fires Everywhere, you know, the one with Kerry Washington and Reese Witherspoon and there’s a part that really stayed with me.
Lexi, the eldest daughter, gets pregnant.
But what struck me wasn’t just the pregnancy.
It was the silence.
The conversations that never happened.
And it made me wonder:
Why do we wait so long to talk to our children about sex?
Why does it feel like something we should avoid, delay, or leave for schools to handle?
Because the truth is, by the time schools introduce it, many children have already started learning from friends, from the internet, from the world.
And not always in the right way.
The Reality We Don’t Like to Talk About
I watched something recently on Instagram where a young girl had gotten pregnant and decided to go to a clinic on her own.
She didn’t tell her mum.
She didn’t feel like she could.
“And sometimes, that silence doesn’t start with children. It starts with us.”
And I remember this scene so clearly. She got off the bus and could hear someone shouting.
It was her mum.
Fighting. Crying. Shouting at the clinic staff.
Saying they had no right.
Saying they couldn’t do this to her daughter.
And in that moment, I didn’t just see anger.
I saw pain.
I saw a mother fighting for a grandchild she didn’t even know existed yet.
And I couldn’t help but think…
How many of these situations could be different if conversations started earlier?
So When Should We Start?
I don’t think it starts with one big conversation.
I think it starts with how we raise them daily.
Because I’m not yet sitting my boys down to explain sex.
But I am preparing them.
Every single day.
1. “Your Body Is Yours” - Started From Age 2
I started talking to my boys about their private parts from a very young age, around two.
Not in a fearful way.
But in a clear and confident way.
They know:
• No one is allowed to touch their private parts
• Their body belongs to them
Even in our home, I’ve set boundaries between them.
If one of them is using the bathroom, the other is not allowed to stay there.
Not even out of curiosity.
Because I want them to understand something early:
Privacy is normal. Privacy is important.
2. The Hug That Made Me Cringe (And What It Taught Me)
I remember a time someone gave me an unsolicited hug.
Nothing extreme.
Not even a full hug.
Just a side hug with a hand around my waist.
And I still cringe thinking about it.
It made me feel… violated.
And the thing is, nothing had ever happened to me before.
That’s just who I am.
I like my space.
And that moment taught me something important:
Consent matters, even in the smallest things.
So with my children, I practice that daily.
Even as their mum.
I ask:
“Can I hug you?”
And they ask me too.
And if either of us says no, we respect it.
No pressure. No guilt.
Because I don’t want them learning about consent only when it comes to sex.
I want them to live it.
3. Teaching “No” - Even When It’s Just Ice Cream
Just this evening, I bought ice cream.
Zach asked for some.
And I said no.
He was confused.
“Why? It’s just ice cream…”
And I get it.
It wasn’t about the ice cream.
Sometimes, I say no intentionally.
Even when I could say yes.
Because I need them to understand:
• No doesn’t always come with a long explanation
• No can come unexpectedly
• And no must be respected
Even in the smallest things.
Because one day, that understanding will matter in much bigger situations.
I’m Not Waiting Until It’s Too Late
I’m not waiting until they’re teenagers to talk about consent.
Or boundaries.
Or respect.
Because by then, the world has already started teaching them its own version.
And I don’t want that to be their first teacher.
The Kind of Boys I’m Raising
I’m raising boys who:
• Understand boundaries
• Respect a “no” immediately
• Ask before they touch
• And feel safe enough to talk to me about anything
Because one day, my boys will grow into men who interact with someone else’s daughter.
And how they understand boundaries will matter…
And I’m the last to know.
Final Thoughts
Talking about sex doesn’t start with sex.
It starts with:
• Body awareness
• Consent
• Boundaries
• Respect
It starts with everyday moments.
With hugs.
With “no.”
With bathroom doors.
With ice cream conversations.
So I’ll ask you
How are you preparing your children?
Because whether we talk about it or not…
They will learn.
The only question is:
Will it be from you or from the world?
With love,
Ayo ❤
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