Are You Evolving?🎄 Day 19 of the Compatibility Checklist

I’m really sorry for putting the Compatibility Checklist on pause.

Hello, Hello, Hello!!!!! To everyone new here. I see a new country, and thank you so much for reading my work. I truly appreciate you.

Today, we are talking about evolving. Specifically, how to know whether the person you are with is actually evolving and whether you are too.

One of the things that has always stayed with me comes from the Bible through the story of David. David had a relationship with God that was deeply intentional. When he realised something did not please God, he did not repeat it. If he fell, once, he learned, and he evolved.

That is something I strive for in my relationship with God, and it is something I have learned to value deeply in my relationships with people.

When I first met my friend Yetty, who is one of the co-writers on this blog, there were things I did that she did not like. One of those things came from how differently we handle conflict.

I have always had close friendships. The kind where you can argue, take space, and then come back together. I am reflective rather than reactive. When I am offended, I do not explode. I pause. I think. I look at things from my perspective, and then yours, and I also consider how my words will land.

That process can take me twenty minutes, or it can take days.

Yetty, on the other hand, does not do well with unresolved tension. She does not sit comfortably in silence after a misunderstanding. The first time this happened between us, she did not see it coming at all. I remember her saying Ayo, I do not do well with this.

At first, I did not really take it on board. But then I realised something important. If I truly care about this friendship and if she truly matters to me, then I have to meet her where she is.

That meant learning to process things quickly. It meant not disappearing into silence for too long. It meant evolving.

We had a more recent disagreement where she said something, she did not intend to hurt me, but it did. When I expressed how it landed instead of immediately validating my feelings, she tried to explain her intention and reason her way out of it. And I had to stop her and say this.

If I have taken the time to reflect and tell you that something hurt me, whether you meant it or not, it still hurts. I need accountability. I need my feelings validated just like I would validate yours.

And guess what.

I genuinely cannot remember the last time we argued and did not speak for days. We evolve. We move forward. We adjust. That is growth. That is love in action, whether platonic or otherwise.

So here is the question.

Are you evolving as a partner?

And is your partner evolving with you?

Evolution means not dragging baggage from past relationships into a new one. It means not assuming my ex liked this, so you should too.

What if they do not

Your previous girlfriend liked shopping. What if I do not

Your previous boyfriend loved something. What if this person does not

Are you truly seeing the person in front of you, or are you responding to them based on past experiences?

Evolution in relationships means working with who you have, not who you had.

So examine yourself gently but honestly.

I hope I have convinced you, rather than confused you, that evolving in relationships is essential.

Have a lovely Friday 🤍

And welcome to days 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19 of the Compatibility Checklist.

See you tomorrow.