Yesterday, someone very dear to me asked a question that stopped me in my tracks:
And then they said something even deeper:
“If I asked you what I did to upset you five years ago, you’d remember. But can you name one sweet thing I did five years ago?”
That stayed with me.
Because the truth is… I probably couldn’t.
Not because the good didn’t exist.
But because the hurt stayed louder.
Why We Remember the Hurt More
I’ve come to realise something about myself:
Words matter to me.
I don’t speak carelessly. I take my time. I choose my words. I slow down before I respond. So when someone speaks to me without that same level of care, it lingers.
Not for a moment.
But sometimes for days… weeks… even longer.
And without realising it, I hold onto those moments more tightly than I hold onto the good ones.
Not intentionally.
Just… naturally.
The Shift That Changed Everything
So I decided to try something different.
Something intentional.
Something that forces me to see what I’ve been overlooking.
At the end of each day, I now pause and write down:
10 things that someone I care about did for me that day.
Ten.
Not one.
Not two.
Ten.
Why This Exercise Matters
At first, it felt like a task.
But then something beautiful happened.
I started paying attention.
I noticed the small things:
* The way they showed up
* The way they thought about me
* The effort in things I would normally overlook
* The quiet kindness in ordinary moments
And suddenly…
The good became louder.
It’s in the Little Things
Sometimes we’re not unhappy because people don’t care.
Sometimes we’re unhappy because we’ve stopped seeing how they care.
Because when you focus on the negative:
You withdraw.
You disconnect.
You slowly build distance.
But when you shift your focus:
You soften.
You appreciate.
You reconnect.
You Don’t Even Have to Tell Them
This isn’t about performance.
You don’t have to announce it.
You don’t have to report it.
Just… notice.
Just… feel it.
Just… allow it change how you see them.
A Gentle Challenge for You
If there’s someone in your life:
A partner.
A friend.
Someone who matters…
And you feel like the spark is fading…
Try this.
Tonight, before you sleep:
Write down 10 things they did that made you smile.
Even the smallest things count.
Especially the smallest things.
Final Thoughts
This isn’t about ignoring hurt.
It’s about creating balance.
Because when all you see is what went wrong, you forget everything that’s still going right.
And sometimes…
That’s all a relationship needs.
A shift in perspective.
A moment of pause.
A decision to see again.
Abii
Call to Action
Start tonight.
10 things.
No excuses.
Let’s bring back the spark,
one moment, one memory, one intentional thought at a time .
one moment, one memory, one intentional thought at a time .
Happy Tuesday,
Ayo♥
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