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When your heart reaches for someone you can't Have

In the middle of the craziest of days,

I still reach for you.


I still think of you 

your voice,

your eyes,

your lips,


How annoying you are.

Very Annoying!


And I hate that I can’t just turn it all off.


Today was full of noise.

Excitement.

Buzzing rooms.

Success.

People talking over each other,

music loud enough to drown out thought,

moments that should have been enough.


And somehow,

right there in the middle of it all,

It’s you.


You.


It’s you my heart reaches for,

without asking me first.

Without permission.


I catch myself playing with the idea of you,

rolling it around in my head like a bad habit,

like a song I didn’t choose

But somehow know the lyrics.


The music gets louder.

The laughter rises.

The room fills up.


And all I hear is you.


Teasing me.

Laughing.

Pretending.


Acting like you’re not scared.

Acting like this doesn’t touch you.

Acting like silence is strength.


But we both know you are.

the pause,

the look,

the shock,

the voice,

I saw it,


And maybe that’s what makes it harder 

not that I miss you,

but that I know you feel it too,

even if you’ll never say it out loud.


So here I am,

standing in the middle of a life that’s moving forward,

doing well,

winning quietly,

being seen,

being held by everything else…


and still,

My heart reaches for you.


Not because I want it to.

But because love doesn’t always ask

before it speaks.


And 

Maybe

My heart will find a new home.


With Love,

Abii ♡


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