“To have someone in your heart, in your mind, in your dreams, and still feel like you don’t truly have them at all.”
We’ve all been here, haven’t we? That strange, aching space where you feel like someone is yours… but they aren’t. Where you long for them, think about them constantly, and yet you can’t name it.
They are not sure if they belong to you, and you haven’t claimed them. They hover in that in-between wanting, hoping, aching, and there aren’t words that quite capture it.
I don’t get it.
I don’t get why I feel this way about you.
Heavy and light.
All at once.
Its bigger
Sharper
Softer
Deeper than anything I’ve known
Like I have you,
But I don’t.
Like you’re here,
but you’re not.
Like, no matter how much I get of you,
it could never be enough.
Maybe it’s because we haven’t named this yet.
Maybe it’s because we haven’t defined it.
Maybe that's why it feels so electric
Maybe that’s why it feels like I’m standing
with my whole heart wide open,
and still reaching.
Because the truth is,
I like deeply.
With every fibre of me.
Every part of me reaches for connection.
And yet…
I can’t have it.
Not fully.
Not today.
Your face slips into my sleep.
Your smile lingers in my mind.
I crave your presence
the calm of it,
the spark of it,
the quiet between us.
You consume my thoughts,
And I let you.
Because when I think of love,
This is what I imagine it to be
consuming,
alive,
beautifully unfinished.
Painful, too
because I can’t hold it,
I can’t define it,
I can’t claim,
I can’t name it without breaking it.
So I sit here,
missing you who feels
both close and impossibly far.
written by Abii
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