Let that sit with you.
Because admiration, chemistry, and capacity are three completely different things.
Someone can admire your kindness.
Someone can love how nurturing you are.
Someone can be drawn to your beauty, your energy, your mind.
And sometimes, they will even love you in the way you’ve always wanted to be loved.
But even then…
That still doesn’t mean you should choose them.
The Truth About Being Chosen
Let me be honest.
There have been many times in my life where I didn’t really choose, I was chosen.
Someone liked me deeply.
They showed up.
They cared.
They were consistent.
And in my head, I thought:
“For someone to like me this much… maybe this is it.”
But what I didn’t realise at the time was this:
I wasn’t being chosen for all of me.
I was being chosen for the parts of me they could recognise.
When People Fall in Love With Parts of You
There are many layers to who I am.
I’m nurturing.
I’m kind.
I listen deeply.
I let people be themselves without judgment.
I’m thoughtful.
I’m creative.
I’m ambitious.
Its endless
I am layers.
But here’s what I’ve learnt:
People don’t always fall for your layers.
They fall for the parts of you they need.
Someone who has lacked care will be drawn to your nurturing.
Someone who lacks structure will admire your organisation.
Someone who feels unseen will be pulled towards your attentiveness.
And because those parts feel so good to them, they assume:
“This is my person.”
And sometimes… you assume the same.
Admiration Is Not Capacity
This is where we get it wrong.
Admiring parts of someone is not the same as having the capacity to carry the whole person.
Because the truth is:
Not everyone who is drawn to your light can handle your depth.
Not everyone who enjoys your softness can handle your silence.
Not everyone who loves your presence can sustain your complexity.
The Danger of Confusing Chemistry for Capacity
Let’s talk about what usually happens.
You meet someone.
There’s chemistry.
There’s connection.
There’s attention.
There’s consistency.
They like you.
They show it.
They love you in a way that feels right.
And before you even realise it, you’re already leaning in.
But here’s the question we don’t ask:
Can this person actually carry me?
Not the easy parts.
All of me.
Let Me Show You What That Means
For example, when I’m upset…
I go quiet.
Not a little quiet.
Very quiet.
which says a lot for someone as talkative as me 🤣🤣🤣
And for some people, that’s unsettling. It’s uncomfortable. It makes them spiral.
Now imagine someone who fell in love with my warmth, my energy, my presence but has no capacity for my silence.
What happens then?
They didn’t fall in love with the full version of me.
And I didn’t check if they could handle her.
You Weren’t Deceived - You Just Didn’t Pause
Let’s be clear.
Most of the time, the other person isn’t trying to deceive you.
They liked what they saw.
They loved what they experienced.
They showed up with what they had.
But you?
You didn’t pause.
You didn’t take a step back and ask the harder questions.
You got carried away by the feeling of being wanted.
And I get it because being wanted feels good.
But being wanted is not the same as being understood.
Before You Get Swept Away
Before you get carried away by the compliments, the attention, the excitement…
Pause.
And ask yourself:
• Do they actually know me?
• Have they seen my depth?
• Can they handle my complexity?
• Do they understand my values?
• Are they aligned with the life I’m building?
Because partnership is not just about liking each other.
It’s about alignment.
It’s about capacity.
The Real Work: Knowing Who You Are
Before you even evaluate someone else, there’s a deeper question:
Who are you?
Not the version people compliment.
Not the version that is easy to love.
The real you.
What drives you?
What do you value?
What kind of life are you building?
What will you compromise on?
What will you never compromise on?
Because the clearer you are about who you are…
the harder it becomes to choose someone who cannot carry you.
Questions Worth Asking Yourself
Can you truly be with someone who doesn’t support your dreams?
Can you be with someone who doesn’t understand your beliefs?
Can you be with someone who doesn’t respect your ideas?
Can you be with someone who wants to keep you small?
Can you be with someone whose vision for life is completely different from yours?
Can you be with someone who benefits from parts of you… but cannot support all of you?
These are the real questions.
Because love is not just emotion.
It’s partnership.
It’s alignment.
It’s capacity.
Final Thoughts
In this season, I’m not just accepting love.
I’m evaluating it.
I’m choosing intentionally.
I’m no longer confusing chemistry for capacity.
And I’m no longer choosing people just because they choose me.
Because the truth is:
Not everyone who loves you is built for you.
And in 2026, we are not just choosing love that feels good…
We are choosing love that can carry us.
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