How to Find Love in 2026: 5 Things Sabotaging Your Relationships

Welcome to this part of the blog where I am actively, intentionally, and slightly aggressively helping you find love in 2026.

And listen, if you do find love because of this series, you must tell me.

You don’t have to announce it on the blog. You can send me a private email.

But if you find love and don’t tell me? I will haunt you. Lovingly. Soon.

Now, before we get into where to find love, because yes, I’ll tell you places, I want us to pause and talk about something way more important:

Your mindset.

Because a lot of relationships don’t end because “you met the wrong person.”

They end because you entered the connection already bleeding, confused, or unclear and then wondered why it collapsed within two weeks.

So let’s talk about five things that might be sabotaging your love life before it even starts.

1. You Haven’t Grieved Properly

And yes, grief still counts even if nobody died.

Grief shows up in many forms, especially after a breakup you haven’t fully processed.

The problem? Instead of sitting with the pain and making sense of it on your own, you meet someone new and turn them into your emotional processing centre.

You’ve just met.

You’re meant to be flirting.

And instead, you’re trauma-dumping about your ex.

No one, absolutely no one, is signing up for that on date one.

If you’re still hurting, still angry, still replaying conversations in your head, this is not your season to date. And that’s okay.

Grieve properly. Heal privately.

(I’ll be writing a full post on how to move on soon; help is coming.)

2. Stop Using New People to Get Over Old People

This one is sneaky.

Some people don’t trauma dump, but they do something just as damaging:

They use a new relationship to erase the old one.

And here’s the issue with that: your expectations become unreasonable.

You’re not asking for the bare minimum; you’re asking this new person to:

Heal wounds they didn’t create

Show up like someone they’ve never been

Perform at a level built on a completely different relationship

They will always fall short. Always.

A new relationship means starting from zero.

Learning how this person communicates.

Do they like calls? Texts? Voice notes? Video calls?

Not everyone loves the same way your ex did, and that’s not a flaw.

If you’re trying to replace someone new, you’re not ready.

3. Please… Stop Looking Homeless

I said what I said.

One rule for 2026:

If you’re stepping outside, look like someone you’d date.

And yes, you can meet someone at the grocery store.

I’m not saying full glam.

I’m saying: clean, put-together, intentional.

Here’s how I do it:

Grocery store: jeans, jumper, jacket, decent shoes

School drop-offs: still cute, not same outfits every day

School events or presentations: full glam. Always.

Training sessions or progress meetings: I show up looking good

Why? Because those spaces are full of people.

And people notice energy before they notice intention.

Also, please refrain from wearing the same jumper, jeans, and shoes every single day.

Auntie, Uncle, Please rest.

Save that behaviour for when you’re fully settled in someone’s house.

4. You Don’t Know What You Want

This one is huge.

You say you want to settle, but you’re entertaining emotionally unavailable people.

You say you want commitment, but you’re accepting confusion.

Truth?

Within the first two conversations, you already know what someone can offer.

You know.

You just don’t want to admit it.

So write the list.

What kind of partner do you want?

What kind of life do you want to build?

What are your non-negotiables?

And please, if all you want is friends with benefits, be honest with yourself.

There is no shame in clarity.

The damage comes from pretending you want more and hoping they’ll magically become it.

5. You’re Lying to Yourself

This is the quiet one.

You see the red flags.

You feel the misalignment.

You notice the effort isn’t matching your expectations.

But you stay.

Because potential feels exciting.

Except potential doesn’t build relationships, truth does.

If someone is already falling short of what you decided they could offer, that’s your answer.

Love doesn’t require self-betrayal.

Final Thoughts

Finding love in 2026 isn’t about luck.

It’s about preparation.

Heal first.

Show up well.

Know what you want.

Curious, Open, and unattached to outcomes

And when you do find love, because you will

Don’t forget to tell me 

(Seriously. I’m watching.)

With Love,

Ayo