What Does Partnership Really Mean To You? 🎄Day 6 of the Compatibility Checklist

Day 6 of the Compatibility Checklist, and today we’re talking about something huge:

What does partnership mean to you?

And what does partnership mean to the person you want to build a life with?

Because “we’re in a relationship” and “we are partners” are not the same thing.

Partnership Through an African, Nigerian, Yoruba Lens

I’m going to speak from where I know:

African

Nigerian

Yoruba

And then, Christian.

In our culture, the expectations placed on women are… wild.

A man and a woman both go to work.

They both leave home early, and return tired.

But somehow:

The woman must be the homemaker.

The woman must be the one cooking.

The woman must be the one cleaning.

The woman must be the one sorting the kids.

The woman must do all the domestic chores.

The woman must still be “available” for her husband, emotionally, sexually, and in every way.

Kill her!!!!!

The expectation is one–sided labour dressed up as “being a good wife.”

And then, to spice it up, you go to church…

The pastors are shouting, “Submission!”

The women’s conference is shouting, “Live for your husband!”

You hear messages that almost erase your identity outside of marriage.

It starts to sound like:

“You don’t have a life. Your whole existence is to serve this man.”

But girl, listen to me:

You do have a life.

You have dreams.

You have a purpose.

You have a calling beyond being someone’s wife and somebody’s mother.

And with the right partnership, you should be able to pursue those things within a family, not despite it.

What a True Partnership Looks Like In a Home

Let me tell you what I saw growing up.

There were seasons where:

It was my dad who bathed us in the morning

My dad, who cooked for us in the afternoon

My dad, who got us ready for bed at night

Then my mum would come back from work, wake us up for a bit, play with us, love on us, and we’d go back to sleep. That was our rhythm for years.

Later, life shifted.

My dad’s career really began to take off.

He became busier, travelling more, doing more.

My mum picked up more of the domestic load.

It was fluid. It moved with the seasons.

There were chores my mum genuinely hated.

My dad noticed.

He picked those up, on purpose, because he loved her.

It was never:

“Because you’re the woman, you must…”

It was:

“This is my partner. I see what drains her. Let me help.”

My mum achieved so much in her life. She became the best version of herself, inside marriage and motherhood, not after escaping it.

And my dad? He wasn’t threatened.

He understood something many men still struggle with:

My wife’s success is my success.

My wife's thriving is my win.

My wife looking good reflects well on me, not against me.

The only thing he didn’t support was her doing a doctorate, not because he didn’t want her to grow, but because he knew how demanding it would be, and he didn’t want to half–support her through it. In his mind, if he couldn’t help that level the way he felt she deserved, he’d rather not push her into that stress.

Was he perfect? No.

Was it a partnership? Yes.

When Men Feel Threatened By Your Shine

Not everyone is like this, however

There are some partners who:

Don’t want you to have more than them

Don’t want you to out–earn them

Don’t want you to stand out too much

Feel small when you shine, instead of proud

And you can feel it.

They may never say, “Don’t grow,”

but their reactions, their silence, their subtle comments…

will tell you everything.

That is why you cannot skip this question:

What does partnership mean to you?

Because when a guy is “toasting” you, his vibe can be lovely.

He’s acting right, saying all the right things, trying to impress you.

But even while he’s performing, his values will still leak out:

How he talks about women

How he talks about his mum or sisters

How he talks about his colleagues

How does he react when you talk about your dreams

Listen. Watch. Don’t romanticise red flags.

The Christian Side: Oneness Is Not Slavery

From a Christian point of view, we talk about:

“The two shall become one.”

But oneness is not code for:

One person dies so the other can live

One person shrinks so the other can feel big

One person serves while the other relaxes permanently

Oneness is about:

Shared vision

Shared responsibility

Mutual sacrifice

Mutual honour

Submission is not a weapon to silence women.

Headship is not a license for laziness or entitlement.

If the version of “Christian marriage” someone is presenting to you looks like slavery, burnout, and erasure of your identity,  that is not partnership, and it’s definitely not Christ-like.

Before You Entangle Yourself…

Let’s be honest:

Some men are looking for a wife/mother/housekeeper/nanny package, not a partner.

And the harsh truth?

You can kill yourself doing everything for him,

and if you run yourself into the ground, he can still marry someone else.

So before you entangle yourself emotionally, sexually, spiritually, legally…

Pause.

Breathe.

Ask yourself:

What kind of partner is he going to be to me?

And what kind of partner am I going to be to him?

Final Thought

Partnership is not just who you love.

It’s who will carry life with you.

So, before you say “yes” with your heart,

make sure you’ve had honest conversations with your mind.

Because the right partnership doesn’t just protect your today.

It safeguards your purpose, your future, and even your children’s tomorrow. 

With Love,

Ayo ♡