So for Day 11, I want to speak from one angle only: why women pretend, and how partners can build intimacy rooted in honesty, confidence, and mutual pleasure.
This came from a question someone once asked during a Sunday service many years ago:
“Why do women pretend?”
If you’re a man reading this, lean in.
If you’re a woman reading this, I’m speaking with you in mind.
Why do women pretend?
Women pretend because we’ve been conditioned to believe that our primary role in intimacy is to please the man.
We try to protect his ego.
We avoid awkwardness.
We want the moment to be “nice,” even if it’s not nice for us.
But here is the truth, the truth I wish someone whispered into every girl’s ear early:
He is not the only one who is meant to be pleasured.
You deserve pleasure too.
And he has a responsibility to learn you.
Intimacy works beautifully only when both people are willing to learn, try, explore, and understand each other’s bodies — without assumption, without pressure, and without comparison.
1. Everybody is different, stop comparing stories
Just because your friend said,
“Oh, when he did this, it felt like heaven,”
doesn’t mean your body will respond the same way.
We all have different bodies, different rhythms, different triggers, different sensitivities.
So the first step is this:
Treat every relationship as new.
Treat every 'body' as unknown.
Treat every moment as exploration.
Never drag techniques, expectations, or habits from a previous relationship into a new one.
You don’t know this person yet, and that’s what makes intimacy sacred.
Learn them.
Understand them.
Let them surprise you.
2. Pleasure starts in the morning, not five minutes before
A lot of people think intimacy begins in the bedroom.
It doesn’t.
It starts when the day starts.
It’s in the tone of your voice.
It’s in the thoughtfulness you show.
It’s in the small things that say, “I see you, I care for you, I’m present with you.”
If she’s had the busiest, most exhausting day of her life, don’t expect magic at 9pm.
Choose lighter days.
Set the mood early.
For example:
If she loves flowers, surprise her in the morning.
If she’s meant to cook, get there first and make dinner.
If she’s overwhelmed, take something off her plate.
If she’s anxious, bring calm.
Joy is foreplay.
Thoughtfulness is foreplay.
Emotional safety is foreplay.
3. Try different things, all kinds of things.
Don’t be stuck.
Don’t be stiff.
Don’t be predictable.
Try.
Explore.
Experiment.
Everything won’t work, and that’s part of the fun.
You need vulnerability for this.
You will make silly mistakes.
You will do things that don’t feel as nice as you expected.
You will laugh at yourselves.
The point is not perfection.
The point is openness.
4. Learn what you both like and don’t like
As you try different things, you’ll realise:
Some things you absolutely love
Some you think you’ll love but don’t
Some things you never expected to enjoy
Some will feel awkward
And some that make you feel deeply connected
This is how lovers become attuned.
This is how intimacy becomes yours and not borrowed from anyone else’s story.
5. Don’t rush. Where are you rushing to?
It's not a job interview.... or maybe it is 😂
Of course, there are “quick moments” — the spontaneous, rushed, “we’re-about-to-leave-the-house-but-come-here” kind of heat.
Those have their place.
But when you’re intentionally learning each other?
Slow down.
Take your time.
Let desire rise gently.
Rushing steals depth.
Slowness reveals truth.
6. If you’re both inexperienced: use tools, not shame
There are intimacy cards, prompts, books, and little guides you can use together.
Nobody is born an expert at anything in life, not even this.
Read the card.
Try the prompt.
Laugh if it feels silly.
Keep going.
If it works, beautiful.
If it doesn’t, that’s fine.
You’re learning each other, that is the real intimacy.
7. And to the women, confidence is everything
There is something I read many years ago that changed everything for me:
If you find yourself beautiful, others will find you beautiful.
If you find yourself attractive, others will find you attractive.
Confidence is magnetic.
Confidence is sensual.
Confidence is a storm.
So here is a simple practice:
Take everything off.
Stand in front of a mirror.
Look at your body, truly look.
Love every part.
Every curve.
Every scar.
Every inch that makes you you.
Stand there until you soften.
Stand there until you smile.
Stand there until you feel proud.
When you love yourself, you walk differently.
You show up differently.
You experience intimacy differently.
Because what you feel inside becomes the energy you project outside.
This works only if you have TRUST. Intimacy is not performance; it is exploration, vulnerability, attentiveness, and confidence, shared between two people who are willing to learn each other slowly and intentionally.
Have a lovely thursday,
With Love,
Ayo ♡
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