As an international mom, how do you respond to that? Have you ever really thought about it? What do you say? How do you react when you hear something completely out of character about your child?
Let me share a real story.
A friend of mine, also an international mom, received one of those calls. The teacher told her that her son had stabbed someone. Yes, stabbed.
Can you imagine hearing that on the other end of the line? She went from zero to a hundred in a second. Shock. Disbelief. Fear.
She knew instantly that this was not like her son. It didn’t sound right. Something in her spirit said, Wait.
She ended the call, took a breath, and went straight to her child. Calmly, she asked what had happened. And here’s what he said:
The other boy had been harassing him for weeks, saying mean things, pushing his buttons, ignoring every polite “stop it” he’d given. On that day, he poked the other child with a pencil in frustration.
No mark. No wound. Just a poke.
But the teacher’s word was stabbed.
And that changed everything.
The Problem With Language
Here’s what stood out to me in this story:
1. The language used by the teacher, “stabbed”, was completely wrong. It painted a very different picture.
2. The child’s experience of being teased, provoked, and disrespected was ignored.
3. The deeper issue is the subtle ways some children of colour feel unseen or misunderstood in school spaces.
We often underestimate how these small misjudgments can shape how our children are perceived, disciplined, and even how they see themselves.
What to Do When You Get That Call
So, as an international (and yes, African) mom, what do you do when the school calls?
Here’s my advice:
1. Don’t react immediately.
Take down the information word for word if you can. You don’t owe an instant response. It’s okay to say,
“Thank you for calling. I’ll need to speak to my child and get back to you.”
This buys you time. It also gives you space to think clearly.
2. Speak to your child first.
Listen to their side of the story. Cross-check what they say with what you’ve written down. See if it aligns with your knowledge of their character.
3. Avoid apologising right away.
This is where many of us, especially as international parents, get it wrong.
We want to prove we’re raising model children, so we rush to apologise. But your first word should not be sorry.
Your first word should be,
“I’m surprised to hear this. This is out of character for my child.”
4. Challenge misleading language.
If the teacher uses an exaggerated term like “stab” instead of “poke”, question it respectfully.
“Can we review the language used in this report? We must describe the incident accurately.”
5. Document everything.
Keep a record of every conversation, dates, times, and words used. It may feel unnecessary now, but you’ll thank yourself later.
When It Becomes Bigger Than Just a Call
In this particular story, things didn’t end there.
The situation escalated when the other parent confronted the international mom directly.
And that’s where it gets even more complicated.
Because this isn’t just about an incident anymore.
It’s about how culture, perception, and misunderstanding can turn a playground moment into a narrative that follows a child.
If you want to hear how she handled that confrontation, come back for Part Two next Tuesday, 4th November, 2025.
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