This week, I won’t be updating our home curriculum because we are repeating Week Two. I was away for the better part of last week, and apparently when Mummy is away, everybody decides it is holiday time 😂. The children ended up playing more than following their to-do list, so this week they are simply going back and doing what they were supposed to do last week, here.
But I actually have something much more important that I want to talk to parents about today.
And please, please have this conversation with your children.
Teach Your Children Never to Carry Something They Know Nothing About
I think we need to teach our children very clearly that regardless of how close they are to someone, they should never carry, hold, hide or transport an item for somebody if they do not know exactly what it is.
And yes, that includes their friends.
Children can put pressure on each other in ways we may not realise.
“Don’t you trust me?”
“I thought you were my friend.”
“Just hold it for me.”
“Don’t look inside.”
“I’ll collect it later.”
Those little statements can make a child feel guilty. They may think refusing means they are being a bad friend.
We need to teach them that friendship does not require blind trust.
If someone gives you something to carry and tells you not to look inside, the answer is no.
If someone asks you to hide something for them, the answer is no.
If someone wants to put something inside your school bag, the answer is no.
If you don’t know what it is, do not take it.
And I think we need to explain why, rather than simply saying, “Don’t do it.”
Depending on what the item is and the circumstances, a child could end up being questioned, disciplined by school, involved with the police or, in very serious situations, facing legal consequences for something they claim did not belong to them.
“I was only holding it for my friend” may not magically make the situation disappear.
So please have the conversation before they ever find themselves in that position.
And Parents, This Applies to Us Too
The more I thought about this, the more I realised that this conversation isn’t just for children.
Adults need to hear it too.
Especially those of us who grew up in cultures where doing favours for people is completely normal.
“Please help me carry this.”
“Can you take this to Nigeria for me?”
“Just put it inside your suitcase.”
“Please watch my bag. I’m coming back.”
No.
I know that might sound harsh, but when it comes to travelling, luggage and carrying things for other people, I am extremely careful.
If I did not pack it, buy it, I don’t want to be responsible for carrying it.
I would rather give you money towards sending your item through the appropriate channel than put myself in a situation where I am responsible for something I know nothing about.
And my friends can probably testify to this. When people travel, I generally don’t ask them to bring things back for me. I don’t want to put someone else in that position either.
If I need something, there are couriers, delivery companies and legitimate ways of getting things from one place to another.
Stop Worrying About Offending People
I think this is another lesson we need to teach our children.
Sometimes keeping yourself safe means somebody might be offended.
And that is okay.
Your friend might say you don’t trust them.
They might call you boring.
They might get angry.
They might decide they don’t want to be your friend anymore.
Let them be upset.
Your safety is more important than proving your loyalty to anybody.
And parents, the same thing applies to us.
You don’t have to accept somebody’s bag because you don’t want to look rude. You don’t have to put something in your luggage because they’re your cousin’s friend’s sister’s neighbour. 😂
You are allowed to say no.
One Simple Rule
Maybe this is the easiest way to teach it:
If you didn’t buy it, don’t carry it.
And if you do know what it is but something about the situation makes you uncomfortable, you can still say no.
I think these are the kinds of conversations we sometimes forget to have with our children because they seem obvious to us. But what is obvious to an adult may not be obvious to an eight, ten, twelve or fifteen-year-old who simply wants to help a friend or fit in.
So talk to them.
Tell them what to do if someone tries to put something in their bag. Tell them they can walk away. Tell them they can speak to a teacher or another trusted adult. Most importantly, tell them that they will never be in trouble with you for saying no to something that makes them uncomfortable.
Because sometimes one very simple conversation at home can save a child from making one very serious mistake.
And while you’re having that conversation with them, have it with yourself too.
Don’t carry what you don’t know.
Better for somebody to be annoyed with you today than for you to be explaining yourself tomorrow.
With Love,
Ayo
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