But today, I can’t motivate you without first addressing something that has been sitting heavily on my heart.
Over the last few days, my timeline has been filled with videos, stories and comment sections that have honestly left me speechless.
I tried to stay out of the conversation.
I really did.
But I can’t anymore.
This one is for the men.
If you’re reading this and you leave your wife to carry the entire weight of raising your children while you simply believe your role ends with paying the bills, this is for you.
Please do better.
Because being a father is about far more than being a provider.
I used to think this mindset was cultural. I thought maybe it was simply how some people were raised.
But no.
It’s a choice.
A choice to watch someone you supposedly love struggle while convincing yourself you’ve done enough because you went to work.
The other day I watched a video of a mother whose little child was crying.
Instead of comforting the child, she screamed.
My heart broke.
Because I don’t believe that’s where she started.
No mother wakes up hoping to shout at her distressed child.
Our instinct is usually to comfort, protect and help.
So when a mother gets to the point where she’s yelling back at a crying child, I don’t immediately think, “What a terrible mother.”
I wonder how exhausted she must be.
How many nights has she gone without sleep?
When was the last time she showered without rushing?
When was the last time she ate a hot meal?
When was the last time someone simply said,
“Go and rest. I’ve got this.”
That sentence can change everything.
I don’t care how tired you are after work.
The energy you have left to watch television…
The energy you have left to scroll through your phone…
The energy you have left for hobbies…
Some of that belongs in your home.
Especially when your children are still little.
And if your excuse is,
“She’s on maternity leave.”
Please rethink that.
Maternity leave is not a holiday.
Recovering from childbirth isn’t rest.
Looking after a newborn around the clock isn’t time off.
It’s one of the most demanding jobs anyone will ever do.
Then I watched another video.
A woman attended a meeting while her child was in hospital.
Immediately the comment section filled up with criticism.
“I could never leave my child.”
“A real mother wouldn’t do that.”
Really?
Have you ever cared for a seriously ill child for weeks?
Months?
Years?
Have you ever been someone’s full-time caregiver without meaningful support?
Have you experienced the emotional exhaustion that comes from living inside hospital walls?
Sometimes stepping away for an hour isn’t abandonment.
Sometimes it’s survival.
You cannot pour from an empty cup forever.
Women need space too.
Space to breathe.
Space to think.
Space to shower.
Space to remember that they’re human beings before they completely disappear beneath the weight of motherhood.
Without that space, people break.
We talk so casually about mothers having mental breakdowns.
About postpartum depression.
About postpartum psychosis.
As though these things happen in isolation.
Sometimes they do, despite having incredible support.
But sometimes exhaustion, loneliness and carrying everything alone make an already difficult situation even worse.
And while we’re having uncomfortable conversations…
Can we stop making excuses for men who don’t participate at home?
Can we stop defending behaviour that leaves women carrying every physical, emotional and mental responsibility for the family?
Can we stop pretending that providing financially is the finish line?
It’s not.
Marriage is partnership.
Parenting is partnership.
If two people decided to bring children into this world, then two people should be actively raising them.
Not one exhausted parent carrying the entire load while the other watches from the sidelines.
And to the mothers raising boys…
Please raise responsible men.
Raise sons who know how to cook.
Who know how to clean.
Who know how to comfort a crying baby.
Who understand that changing nappies doesn’t make them less masculine.
Who understand that caring for their family is part of being a good man.
Because in today’s world, many women are earning incomes too.
Many women contribute financially.
So if both partners are working…
If both partners are paying bills…
Then what exactly is the excuse for one person carrying all the parenting?
We have to do better.
As men.
As women.
As parents.
As a generation.
Because the kind of homes we’re building today will become the kind of marriages our children create tomorrow.
Let’s stop raising boys who think fatherhood begins and ends with a payslip.
Let’s raise men who know that love looks like showing up.
Love looks like carrying the baby.
Love looks like washing the bottles.
Love looks like saying,
“I’ve got the children. Go and rest.”
Sometimes, that’s the greatest act of provision there is.
With Love,
Ayo
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If this post resonated with you, share it with one person stepping into something new this month. We have a 10k goal. Let’s make it happen.
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