Clearly, I dropped the ball.
But while doing a little more research into modern dating, I had a conversation that genuinely left me confused.
A friend of mine told me that some of my dating advice isn’t “practical.”
Naturally, I asked why.
She explained that dating in 2026 is apparently all about playing games.
Games?
“Give me an example,” I said.
She laughed and told me she’s honestly exhausted by dating these days. She isn’t even actively looking anymore because she’s tired of trying to decode people.
Then she started explaining what she meant.
According to her, even if you really like someone, you’re not supposed to show it.
Even if you’re excited to get to know someone, you have to pretend you’re not.
You have to act just interested enough, but not too interested.
I was still confused.
So I asked for a real-life example.
She said, “Let’s say someone texts you at 3:15 p.m. You see the message immediately. You’re free. You’re literally doing nothing. But you don’t reply until 8:15 p.m.”
I blinked.
“Why?”
“Because if you reply immediately,” she said, “they’ll think you’re too available.”
Excuse me?
Apparently, responding too quickly means you care too much.
Sending a thoughtful message means you’re too invested.
Checking in with someone means you’re needy.
Showing consistency somehow makes you less attractive.
I’m sorry…
What?
That isn’t emotional intelligence.
That’s emotional immaturity.
Now, before anyone says, “People are busy,” let me be clear.
Of course people get busy.
There are days when I’m genuinely unavailable.
There are days when I’m working with my hands, in meetings, travelling, solving problems, or simply don’t have the mental capacity to reply. That happens.
Real life happens.
That’s completely different.
I’m talking about deliberately delaying a reply purely to create the illusion that you’re busy.
Those are two very different things.
If I know my day is going to be hectic, I already do something very simple with people who matter to me.
I’ll send a quick message.
“Today’s going to be really busy. If I’m slow replying, don’t worry. I’ll catch up with you later.”
Done.
Ten seconds.
Nobody is left wondering.
Nobody is overthinking.
Nobody is trying to decode silence.
I do that with my best friend all the time.
If I’m seriously getting to know someone, why would I communicate less than I do with my best friend?
That makes absolutely no sense to me.
What really surprised me was hearing that this level of communication is now considered being “too available.”
Too available?
Isn’t availability exactly what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Why would I punish someone for making me feel secure?
Why would I reward inconsistency over consistency?
And here’s the part that really gets me.
If someone messages me and I don’t reply, I carry that in my head.
There’s actually someone I’ve not responded to at the moment, and I genuinely feel bad about it.
It’s sitting there in my mind.
I know I still need to reply.
Now imagine deliberately choosing to leave someone waiting for two, four, or even five hours just because some unwritten dating rule says that’s what attractive people do.
Do you know how much unnecessary mental energy that wastes?
You’re literally scheduling emotional performance.
You’re setting timers.
You’re calculating response times.
You’re analysing whether six minutes looks desperate but forty-five minutes looks mysterious.
Who has the energy?
We’re adults.
Not contestants on a reality dating show.
If someone texts you and you’re available, reply.
If you’re busy, reply when you genuinely can.
If you’re overwhelmed, communicate that.
It’s really that simple.
Healthy relationships aren’t built on strategic silence.
They’re built on trust.
They’re built on consistency.
They’re built on people who don’t leave you wondering whether they’re interested because they believe confusion creates attraction.
It doesn’t.
If anything, it creates anxiety.
So here’s my little plea to everyone dating in 2026.
Can we retire the games?
Can we stop pretending we don’t care when we actually do?
Can we stop treating healthy communication like it’s some kind of weakness?
Because if responding to someone’s message when I’m available makes me “too available,” then I’m perfectly happy to be too available.
I’d rather be emotionally mature than emotionally performative any day of the week.
And if you’re one of those people deliberately making someone wait five hours just because you can…
Please.
Grow up. It’s not attractive.
With Love,
Ayo
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